Monday, November 8, 2010

But Those Were Happy Tears

October 14
(A picture we took before that I never blogged, because some people don’t like to read so much and I get a little TL/DR below…)

This past week, my husband got a job. He was laid off in December of 2008 and has been doing consultant work off and on, but nothing compares to the wonderful feeling of stability you get from full time steady work. And health insurance! He started work today and when he walked out the door (45 minutes before my alarm even goes off!) my photographer went with him. So now I have to learn how to use our “new” camera. The one he has been taking my photos with for the past 2 years. I’m sure I can do it, but I do suspect it will cause hiccups. And to be honest, I’m not ready to come back quiet yet. I just wanted to stop by and say “Hi!” and share a few random thoughts with you.

The night after posting my farewell for now to the blog, I set about putting together my first blog free outfit. Something about knowing I was not going to document it made me feel free. I choose the same oversized striped cardigan I had worn the day before. I paired it with the same shoes. And a dress I had worn only recently, but wanted to wear again. What a concept! I felt free. I could wear whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted and not worry about who was reading. But then something happened. I put the outfit on the next day and was so pleased with it, I asked my husband to photograph it anyway. I just felt like I was leaving out a step if I didn’t photograph a good outfit. It felt wrong somehow. So far I have not even pulled the pictures. There is no rush to edit them or get them on Flickr. They sit patiently and wait. (edited to add: No. They don’t. We forgot to put a card in the camera. So they don’t actually exist. I’m rolling my eyes SO HARD at myself right now.)

Day two of not blogging was a casual Friday, and also the last day of work before Halloween. And I wore almost exactly the same outfit I wore for Halloween 2 years before. Something I would have never done on the blog. Black tee with a skeleton ribcage print, black skinny fit jeans, black shoes and as much creepy jewelry as I could pile on. And I was happy. No one knew I wore this two years ago. No one cared. Not even me.

I’m finding I am taking fewer risks. I’m maybe less creative. But I’m not sure it bothers me. I’m still expressive. I’m wearing what I want when I want without worrying that it is “too boring”. There are some negatives. For instance, because I’m not blogging, I’m also not planning. This has resulted in more than one forgotten camisole. I need camisoles with a lot of my dresses to save them being too low cut, and without planning, I simply forget. It’s not until I am at the office and feel bare that I notice and by then it is too late.

An undocumented outfit still seems like a waste. This weekend we went shopping and spent our Christmas money from 2008. We had been saving it, in a sock drawer, “in case”. But we made it! So we spent. It was good fun, shopping. And it was freeing. I didn’t look at items and wonder how they would be for the blog, or how I would wear them on the blog. I just thought about them in terms of me and my wardrobe. I wore the exact same outfit Saturday and Sunday afternoon. And I went to Nordstrom Rack both times. And I didn’t care what they might think. I loved that outfit. I’ll wear it again. Maybe even next Saturday. I’d like to keep the free feeling. The wear whatever I want feeling, the honesty in my dressing, and somehow manage to blog THAT. I feel like when I started the blog that was very much what I was doing, but by the time I took my break, I was dressing for the blog. Almost all the time. And I want to dress for me. Not the blog. Because dressing should be fun. And an extension of who I am, and who I desire to be.

So I’ll be back. And I hope you’ll stick around.