(You know how I hate a post without a pic so sometimes I just post a random one? This is one of those times. Please enjoy the dog.)
Recently, I decided to Get Involved. Getting involved is not in my nature. I am not participatory. I fear, above all things (except maybe needles), rejection and failure. If I don’t try, I can’t fail, right? (Wrong!) WHAT IF? What if I put myself out there and no one responds? What if no one likes me? What if the other girls never ask me to swap? Or do a guest post? What if she never comments on my blog? What if I am making a huge fool out of myself and they are having Twitter Parties where they just make fun of how desperate I seem (ahahaha, OK, I never really thought that one. I’m not quite that vain. But it’s funny, so I’m leaving it.)
I also struggle LIKE WHOA with jealousy. WHY? Why does she have more followers than me? Why does she get so many more comments than me? Why is she so popular, how can I be more like her?
WAAAAH WAAAAH WAAHHHH!
It’s not pretty and it’s not helpful and it’s…SILLY. I love these girls, I’m PROUD of these girls, these girls deserve their success and I am happy to contribute to that success in any way I can. These are wonderful people.
Seriously, Self, I said, GET OVER IT*. I’m good enough, I’m smart enough and regardless of whether or not other people like me (and they do, they REALLY, REALLY DO!) I’m worthy of being liked, LOVED, by me. It’s OK for me to be happy with where and what I am. In my blog and in my life.
Plus, I’m doing this whole blog thing to have a good time. If I hold back, it will never be the blessing to me (and to others) that it has the capacity to be. I’m only cheating myself.
So I put on my Big Girl Panties and I put myself out there.
I got to Twittering.
I got to commenting. Even if the post had 14 bajillion comments already and I had nothing new to add. If I wanted to comment, I commented.
I joined FBFF
I stepped up to the plate and signed on for challenges (30X30) and community projects (EBEW).
I started emailing people and speaking up when I had something to say.
I signed up for a conference (TxSCC) and made a new friend to travel with (Hi Elissa, Love you!)
And guess what? Not only have I made TONS of wonderful new friends, but I’ve also been happier. SO MUCH HAPPIER. And able to experience JOY for my friends at their triumphs and successes. I feel light, and happy and free, but most of all, I’ve experienced the warmth and comfort one only finds in COMMUNITY. Because that’s what this is. A community. And a great one. Full of wonderful people.
So if you haven't yet, get involved. Don’t let fear or uncertainty stop you.
*I love you, Mama <3
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37 comments:
This is a very honest post, and that's wonderful- I feel like it voices a lot of what I feel about starting up a blog (and hey, real life too- getting involved is way better than letting fear hold you back). I'm glad that you decided to get involved and dog photos are totally welcome.
I can totally relate.. I'm constintly second guessing myself and thinking "what if?" But I need to stop worrying and get out there!! I'm think I'm joining in on the 30x30 too : )
I'm so happy for you! It IS so hard not to get caught up in comparing and what not. Can't wait to read and see all about these fun things you are doing!
You have no idea how much I needed to hear this. Thank you for being so open, and keep on DOING! :)
I fricken ADORE you. I am so happy to have "met" you! I was just thinking about doing a post very similar to this one, because I feel the same way. I've met way too many amazing people through blogging. I've had so many people support me over the past few months, through my dad passing and me getting a new job. I've NEVER had this many friends who actually like me before. And you, my dear, are one of the best.
i'm not a blogger, so it has seemed silly to comment before now. i thought (and this post seems to kind-of support this thought of mine) that comments = networking among bloggers. however, i read all (and love many) of your posts, so don't think that just because i (and i'm sure others) don't comment, that i don't really enjoy and appreciate what you're doing. keep up the self-empowerment!
I just started a blog, and this is GREAT advice for me. Thanks for posting and being honest:)
What a great post hunnie...so happy that you and I are friends...and Im really looking forward to rockin out the 30x30 with you girl!!
Hugs!
Stop by and say Hello:)
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my dear erin -
can i tell you how my heart swelled reading this? i think many of us felt this way, only to dive in and be rewarded!
its funny, i was thinking about this earlier today....like, why is it when something (good or bad) happens, i blab to people on twitter or my blog? isnt this supposed to be about clothes? and i realized, um - NO. its all about the community. i kinda feel like my blog friends are a huge group of my best girlfriends i never knew existed! even if we havent met. how awesome is that? im glad you feel the same, and that we found each other!!!
really, really cant wait to meet you in a few weeks! xoxo
I totally understand how you feel, so i just wanted to say that I love your style and your blog.
Holy crap. HOW did you get inside my brain?!
You're spectacular. I'm glad to "know" you. :)
Wow. This is probably the most honest, compelling thing I've ever seen someone write on their blog. I like and respect you even more now (as if that was even possible - duh.)
The blogging world is new to me, and I don't consider myself much of a "joiner" either. I'm freaking out to be attending TxSCC. I too struggle with comparing what I'm doing to those infinitely more successful than I am. But you're right - above all else, I'm blogging to make me happy. I have my own style, my own thoughts, and wasting time comparing myself to others is just that - a waste of time.
However, I will continued to be inspired by other bloggers - you included. There is a wonderful community of bloggers out there, and I'm excited to be a part of it.
You're pretty amazing. Just sayin'.
www.dresswithcourage.com
Thank you for sharing this! It's great advice that I'll be taking myself.
I needed this. I am SO bad at "joining" and I don't know why - I didn't used to be like this! But the past few years I'm scared of joining, in real life or in blogging.
Thanks for the great honest post! I read your blog and a few other fashion blogs often and I've never comment. But I always doubt that I have something to add. So today I decided to get involved.
Thanks for the "push"!
This is totally something I struggle with too... I realize that joining twitter would help my blog, but I just can't bring myself to "put on my big girl panties" and do it! Same thing with commenting on things that have ONE MILLION comments or ones that seem to be just one big ad for all the free clothes they've been sent... I don't know, sometimes it just seems like I'm blogging to a void, but then I realized I didn't get into this to be "popular" and get blog hits. I made a lot of good friends through the blog and it makes me happy and proud to look back at where I was and where I am now... however it is still infuriating when someone new comes along and is somehow deemed the new hot shit though... I don't know that I can make that voice go away, but I can tell it to shut tup!
This seriously made me tear up. I know how many times you've wanted to do something but felt like you couldn't, or you might not measure up or be good enough or whatever and I always wished I could say the right thing to let you know how amazing you are and how it just isn't possible that you wouldn't be successful and amazing in everything you participate in. I am just so glad you opened yourself up and are now enjoying the rewards of doing that. You deserve to be a "joiner", to be able to comment and email and reach out to people when you want to. This is so awesome! :)
Trust me, your comments make my day! I love hearing from you :) And I love that you are putting yourself out there, making connections. It's the best thing about blogging, and the Internet in general - meeting people you otherwise wouldn't have had the opportunity to meet.
What a great post! I went through that about a year ago, and let me tell you, putting on this big girl pants is HARD!! I felt like a kid moving to a new school.... what if no one likes me? But I am so very glad you got involved because I will get the pleasure of meeting you at TXSCC!!
Dear Erin, thank you so much for this post!
Huzzah! Being true and taking a chance always pay off. I really enjoyed your manifesto!
Yay loves it!
I don't have anything else to add that hasn't been said already but I'm commenting anyway! See, you're good at giving advice.
You inspire me so much! One day I would hope that my blog will have more than 10 followers. You're knocking on 500, girl!
You are fabulous in everyway!!!
This is SO INSPIRING.
Thanks for sharing this inner part of yourself. I've felt the same sometimes and not always been capable of getting over it.
YOU ROCK!!
you are amazing, thank you for posting this. I know I definitely struggle with these issues too, and I wish I was better at "socializing".
I'm sad I'm not going to the conference, I feel like I'm really missing out! But i just bought a new camera, so sadly I can't afford it. I would love to meet you. Also, I would totally swap with you!
Oh Erin, how could anyone possibly NOT like you? I've followed your blog for a while {maybe a year or so?} but I've noticed your "presence" recently AND I love it. The community and the twitter parties {they do exist} are just as much fun as the actual blogging. So a big thanks from this reader for putting yourself out there. I think I speak for most of us when I say we do REALLY REALLY LIKE YOU :)
If it makes you happy to hear, you are my favorite!
CAPSLOCK, baby. Love it.
And I adore this post, so very, very much. I went through an almost identical phase recently, and though my ultimate result was to scale down on certain things (Twitter) to make room for others (reading and commenting on blogs, old and new), I ended up in much the same place as you did.
And I must say, I have noticed a change in you recently. You seem so happy and bubbly and...present, which is wonderful, because I love having you around. :)
Hey, so glad to hear that getting involved has made you happier. As a true nerd, I read up on things that contribute to happiness. Evidently, meeting people regularly once a month can make you as happy as a 10% increase in income. Since we all "meet" so often, regularly, I feel like I am infinitely richer (in style blog relationships) and that's saying something.
And you're looking lovely and happy with your puppy here.
Yay!!! You had a blogthrough (blogger breakthrough!) I had one of those after having a blogdown too (blogger breakdown). It's better over here on this side.
Can't wait to meet you in Austin!
Ha! i am so not participatory, either. people have to literally DRAG me up to participate in group things... like the bridal bouquet toss. That's a whole other level of group participation mortification!
You made some really great points about the value and importance of reaching out to other bloggers and getting involved in the community! I'm working on that, too, even if it doesn't always come naturally to me! Anyway, just wanted to tell you that this post is honest and uplifting and echoes a lot of how I also feel!
What a great, positive post.
Oh EJ, I know exactly where you're coming from (I'm pretty sure you know that about me). Of late those thoughts are all I have, so I know right where you're coming from. But I'm soooo happy for you that you're feeling better about yourself, and that you're making yourself more active in your own life. You're such an inspiration to me. Love you kid.
Aww, I love this post! I ALWAYS get excited when I see a comment from you, seriously. I agree that I get so much happiness over being involved with everybody. I was pretty busy/sick this week and didn't "involve" myself nearly as much as I would have liked to - and what a difference it made!
I love the community of fashion blogger ladies! I need to put myself out there more and more because it's so much fun when you do.
LOVE that photo, too. :) So cute.
Goodness... good post.
I am involved-ish... I hold out a bit I fear. Sometimes I feel like blogging from Canada land puts me on an island far away and I feel skipped over but maybe sometimes I like the safety of this island. Does that even make sense?
Regardless, I love your involvement and I am beyond excited (maybe nervous too) to meet you for reals.
I have been reading you for ages, absolutely love you and never comment. I recently decided that I have to do this as well. I have to put myself out there and comment, meet people and just do it. It's so easy to not to. But like you it does make me happy. I do like meeting people and sharing what I do.
I sat on your post for a couple of days wanting to say something but really the only thing I can say about this is perfect. Your awesome and said exactly what I needed to hear when I needed to hear it. Thank you.
This post makes me adore you even more than I already did. Which was quite a bit. It's so fun seeing you on Twitter, etc. I struggle with being participatory too - cause I'm equal parts lazy and shy. So I get where you're coming from. But...so glad you're putting yourself out here! (There? Here...whatever).
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